Overinflated Expectations of Men on Dating Sites: Why It's Important to Be Realistic

New Data on Online Dating

For a long time, there has been a stereotype that women on dating sites and apps have higher standards for partners than men. A commonly cited figure suggests that 80% of women are interested only in the top 20% of the most attractive men—the so-called 80/20 principle. However, new research turns this narrative on its head. According to data published in the journal PLOS One, it is men who often overinflate their own "bar" when selecting a potential mate.

An international group of researchers analyzed the behavior of nearly 3,000 users of a popular dating app in the Czech Republic. The findings were unexpected: men predominantly seek to connect with the most attractive women on the platform, while women tend to choose partners who are approximately equal in attractiveness to themselves. The outcome is logical: mutual attractions and successful matches primarily occur between individuals with comparable attractiveness ratings. Based on these results, the researchers urge men to approach online dating more realistically and to soberly assess their prospects.

Men Aim for the Most Attractive

The statistical data clearly demonstrates how focused men are on the most attractive partners online. For instance, the study revealed that:

• Approximately 78% of men prefer to reach out to women whom the app’s algorithm deems about 25% more attractive than they are.
• Men ignore approximately 89% of female profiles that could be considered potentially compatible (i.e., women with comparable levels of attractiveness).

In other words, the vast majority of men on dating sites are trying to "aim higher," focusing on the most attractive women while largely overlooking those who are closer to them in objective parameters. The average male user is willing to message the most popular woman while passing over many more "realistic" options.

Women Prefer Equals

In contrast to men, female users of dating services demonstrate greater restraint and pragmatism. Researchers observed that women typically select candidates whose attractiveness matches their own. In simpler terms, if a woman is, hypothetically, in the middle of the popularity rating, she is inclined to seek partners from the same "weight class," rather than deliberately aiming for the most attractive men.

Furthermore, women often find themselves in a more advantageous position in online dating. With significantly more men on the popular service, the average female profile received more attention and had a higher attractiveness rating. Armed with this advantage, many female participants could even slightly lower their expectations: they sometimes agreed to interact with men who were somewhat less attractive than themselves. On average, the female strategy proved more realistic—unlike men, who are virtually unwilling to "lower the bar" of their requests.

Successful Couples Form Between Equals

One of the key observations of the study is that successful connections ultimately happen between partners with similar levels of attractiveness. Mutual likes and subsequent interactions most frequently occurred among those situated within the same popularity range on the platform. Essentially, the resulting couples corresponded to the initial female tactic (focusing on equal partners), while men's attempts to "reach for" much more attractive counterparts typically ended in failure.

Researchers note that the similarity in partners’ attractiveness is a product of the natural selection process through refusals. While men may initially aim for relationships with the most beautiful women, it is women who decide with whom mutual feelings will arise. Consequently, the principle of "like attracts like" is retrospectively realized: after a series of unsuccessful contacts, men find partners among those closer to their level. Thus, successful matches are "tailored" to align with more moderate female preferences.

Why Men Inflate Their Standards

What drives many men to overestimate their chances and pursue unattainable ideals? Experts point to several factors. Firstly, historically, men tend to prioritize their partner's physical attractiveness—this is both evolutionary heritage and a product of social stereotypes. In the context of digital services, many men are inclined to like the most beautiful women en masse, hoping for luck.

Secondly, there is a gender imbalance on the platforms. When there are significantly fewer women, the competition for their attention becomes highly intense. In the popular app where the research was conducted, men constituted the majority of users—it’s no surprise they all gravitate toward the most popular women, trying to outdo their competitors. Finally, excessive self-confidence also plays a role: many users sincerely believe they are more attractive than they actually are, and thus expect to attract women of a much higher "rank."

Overinflated Expectations Lead to Disappointment

This behavior strategy results in low efficacy for men. By ignoring women within their own range and concentrating solely on the most popular, most men end up empty-handed—their messages go unanswered, and matches occur rarely. The study showed that 89% of potentially suitable options are rejected outright by men, while the remaining 11% of attempts to connect with "top-tier" women frequently fail due to high competition. It is unsurprising that many men experience disappointment with online dating.

Paradoxically, in discussions on this topic, men often blame women, claiming that it is women who have inflated standards. Yet the statistics tell a different story: it is men who more frequently aspire to an unattainable ideal and remain unsatisfied with the results. Constant failures can lead to feelings of injustice, "burnout" from the apps, and even bitterness. Essentially, overinflated expectations create a vicious cycle: the higher the demands, the lower the chances of success, reinforcing negative experiences.

How to Increase Your Chances of Success in Online Dating

To avoid disappointment and find a real partner, men should reconsider their approach to online dating. Experts recommend several strategies to improve effectiveness:

• Objective Self-Assessment. Honestly evaluate your attractiveness and capabilities. Look at your profile from an outsider’s perspective or ask friends for an honest assessment—it’s important to understand your attractiveness level against others to align your choice of partner accordingly.
• Broaden Your Criteria. Don’t focus solely on appearance. Pay attention to shared interests, values, and goals with potential partners. Compatibility regarding life aspirations may be more important than model-like looks.
• Focus on Reciprocity. Pay more attention to those who show mutual interest. If a woman liked or replied to you, it makes sense to develop that communication—likely, your levels of attraction are already aligned, and chances of successful contact are higher.
• Quality Profile. Ensure you have good photos and an informative description of yourself. By improving your presentation, you’ll elevate your “attractiveness rating” and widen the pool of those willing to reciprocate.
• Realistic Choices. Don’t ignore those who genuinely suit you. Rather than sending dozens of messages to the most popular women, focus on women who are close to you in age, interests, and attractiveness level. This approach will yield more real meetings and positive experiences.

The New Realities of the Dating Market

The research by Czech scientists is just one illustration of a broader trend in the world of dating. In the era of dating apps, a true digital "market" for relationships has formed, where competition is high and illusions are widespread. It has now become evident that for success in this space, a sober self-view and realistic assessment of potential partners are necessary. This is particularly relevant for men: by abandoning the pursuit of unattainable ideals and focusing on real, mutually interested connections, they can significantly increase their chances of finding a suitable partner.

Ultimately, lowering inflated expectations is in the best interest of all parties involved. A more realistic and conscious approach to choosing a partner will make online dating more effective and enjoyable. Over time, the culture of online dating may reach a balance where mutual respect and compatibility are valued over perfect photos and endless choices.